So the final presentation to the board was finally over. It was from 5:00 to 6:00pm yesterday, had to wait for the folks from Asia to go to work. It felt like the longest hour in my life. Presenting my research results to the Asia VPs itself was scary enough, cuz everybody knows way more about the China market than I do, but worst of all, I had to do it on the phone. It was like one of the bad classes I've taught, when I started to hear myself talking, and my thoughts started to doubt whether what I'm saying is making sense, and till I bore myself with my own voice, I would totally forget what I was talking about. Well... it was kinda like that during the presentation, except it was worse. I couldn't see their faces, couldn't tell whether they were following or confused or even annoyed because they might think I was wasting their time. I started to hallucinate their yawning faces, constantly checking the time, impatient looks... even though I had never met them before. "Focus, Phoebe Focus!" I kept telling myself, Don't you dare to screw this up! I finished the presentation at exactly 5:30 and left them plenty of time to ask questions. A whole 30mins! At that point I thought I was doomed. I was cringing the whole time as one of the top VPs threw out all kinds of questions at me. After I barely made it throught the first couple of questions, he asked about something that wasn't in my researched area. My head went blank and I don't even remember what I said, but somehow I turned the topic over to the China Region HR director and it turned out even she didn't know the answer. So the VP told her to get to it right away and get back to him next week. Then a couple of more questions later, that same VP turned to me and told me it was a "fabulous presentation" and that he "couldn't have asked for more out of the project". And other people started to congratulate me for the successful work done and the meaningful discussion I started among them. I was really taken aback. "Are they serious? or as I just imagining the whole tragedy myself?" After I hung up the phone I let out a long sigh. "Such a bad presentation I did!" I said. and my manager came in from his cube next to mine and said:" What are you talking about? You left a great impression with those folks! I thought you were gonna be a little nervous..." "A little nervous?" I shook my head, "you have no idea."

Just like that my summer internship has come to the end. Great experience for a newbie like me. I'll miss it here after I'm gone.    

I failed my driving test again!!!  I thought I was doing better this time... *sniffles*

I wanna go home. Driving sucks anyways.

Exactly one year ago, right about the same time as I'm typing right now, I was sitting on the connecting flight from SFO to LAX, waiting impatiently for the new world one Pacific away from home to unfold in front of my eyes. I had already passed the customs check at SFO, saw Charlie, who had been waiting there the whole morning just so that I could see a familiar face right after I landed, for a brief 10 minutes and  managed to find the right terminal to get on the plane to LA. All happened too fast for me to remember all the details, yet I could still recall the feeling as if it was just yesterday. I was nervous, excited and overwhelmed by all the doubts and expectations in my head. All I had right next to me on the plane, were Princess Ashley and my pink bag of shoes. What am I going to see? Who am I going to meet? If somehow someone had already planned my journey out for me, what would it be like? Where would I be and what would I be doing one year from now? Five years? Ten years?

I didn't know then that I would be sitting in my cube at work in Intel, typing away on Xanga.(yes I'm slackering off). I'm in Folsom. Before this I was in Oklahoma, and before that I was struggling through finals in San Diego. One year, not too long, not too short. A lot has happened, not exactly the way it was planned, but they happened anyway.

Princess Ashley died not too long after school started. Gone with her were all my pictures, videos, music from home. Pieces of memories of home that I hoped to keep with me forever. Well... maybe that was the problem, how long is forever? Probably too long. It once again proven that pretty things don't last, like a hot pink VAIO, or promises from a one-week affair. Makes me wonder again why I would buy a pink computer in the first place, or the promises. Either way I made a stupid mistake and I have learned my lessons, hopefully.

Grandma passed away seven months ago. Never before that had I knew the pain of losing a family, and for a week I didn't know how to react. I hid myself in my little room and cried. I wished I could have been there when she left. I wished I could have spent more time with her before I left home. I wished I could have told her how much I loved her before I said goodbye. But we Chinese are never good at display of affections. We get too embarrassed  by the simple phrase: "I love you!" We express love through little things we do. I know grandma showed it by always making me my favorite food whenever I went back to visit. "Why are we having this again?" "Because it's Huanhuan's favorite!" grandma would say. Sometimes I wished I could have told her I didn't still like the same thing as I did when I was five, like that hot and sour fish. But it would probably hurt their feelings if I told grandma and grandpa that I had already grown up. So I never did tell her. I ate the fish everytime like it was the best thing in the world. And the truth is, it was.

There weren't all bad things. There's also a lot for me to be thankful for: I found myself a place to live in San Diego that I call home, and a great roommate. I made new friends in school. I took Tango classes and went salsa dancing on weekends. I went to Vegas and camped out in Death Valley during Christmas. I found my biological family who live 15mins from me. I went to Oklahoma and got to play with the cutest baby Sophie. I got a summer internship in Intel. I'm learning how to drive and haven't killed anyone yet. I'm going to visit Minnesota next month...

I wonder where would I be and what would I be doing one year from now?